I miss home! I miss home terribly. What exactly it is that I miss about home I don’t know. I only know that I have a terribly strong longing for familiar faces. If I know the exact face that I miss, maybe a video call to the person will settle it. If I know exactly what it is that I miss about home, maybe I’ll just buy it if I can afford it.
I don’t know what it is but I know that a sudden sadness overwhelmed me earlier today. A sadness which is a result of longing. Just when I started feeling at home in this strange land, this longing for something from a not so distant past came in; something nameless and formless.
Life is basic, routine and happy, church was going well until the choir sang a song in different languages. Immediately the Yoruba version came, I developed goose pimples all over, a wave of sadness overcame me and I couldn’t resist. The effect of the song lyrics didn’t even make an indelible impression on me. It was the Yoruba language that touched me in a strange way.
But on second thought, maybe the language is only a catalyst, a vehicle that linguists say language is. Maybe it is just a conductor of sadness, a reminder that I am in an ambivalent land:
It couldn’t have been the language, I spoke Yoruba till 11pm yesterday with Elias, who I share a room with.
Like many things about life, I don’t know what is wrong with me. I only know that I am sad, in a way that is terrible overwhelming and urgent. I am also sure that the sadness is fleeting. I will get over it in no time. Because of this, I decided to write the sadness away instead of writing the sermon.
Maybe the sadness is locked somewhere in me, maybe it’s my immigrant status that brought the sadness. Too many maybes lead to more questions. Why do we have to be immigrants? Why do we suffer ourselves? Can’t we see that all these places are the same? Didn’t we realise that it’s still the same planet earth? I know Jim Reeves was right, This world is not home. We are only passing by, perpetual migrants who want to make it to Heaven. I am doing all I can to build my treasures up there, I hope to see you there too. Jesus loves you, that I’m sure of. *grins*